For the first time since reccords have been kept, there are now more single women than married women in the US. 51% of women are unmaried, but often say that they would settle-down for “the right quy”. So is it that standards have changes (re: what it takes to be ‘the right guy’, or have guys changed?)
Perhaps it’s neither. Studies conducted at UCSF and USJ in california under the guise of the same Dr. who wrote “The Female Brain” [an excelent book by-the-way] show that, when polled to see who is happiest: married men, married women, single men, single women. The rankings are shocking.
Every year since this poll has been taken, the findings are the same. The ranking, from those that hare happiest in their lives to those that are the least happy are: Married Men, Single Women, Married Women, Single Men.
Recent studies have also shown that up to 48% of married women would “not do it all over again with the same man”. 76% of women think about another man during sex.
Women are staying single longer these days. Gone are the days when a woman had to rely upon a man for financial support. In fact, many women are the higher-paid member of the household. Times have changes, but it seems like men haven’t, and they’re growing increasingly unhappy with things. And, going back to the ‘who’s happier’ survey; why are single guys so miserable?
Having met and talked about this with many guys over the last few years, I’ve started to come yo my own conclusions. After you meet enough new people, patterns begin to emerge. In this instance (that of the unhappy single male) it seems to stem from a form of mass social imprinting. Guys are growing up with girls who are growing up watching these epic romantic tales. (Thank you very much Leonardo DiCaprio) and they’re shown these amazing tales of artistic, whitty, caring men - and the beautiful, sucessful, debonair women who fall in love with them.
As men, we know that this is bullshit. As people, we know that stories don’t happen this way. But that doesn’t stop them from playing an influential part in our lives.
Lets break this down:
Women are biologically structured to think that a man whom other women find attractive is attractive. In essence, women have become biologically designed to desire the alpha-male; the man who other women find attractive.
When young girls are shown these films, that tell tales of men like this, there is an instant recognition - through social proof - that these are the attractive men. This is the kind of man that she should be with, because a woman of that stature and beauty is choosing him. Nevermind that this is all acting, flimsy at best plotlines, and awkward story telling. Interestingly enough, the same biological instincts are being stimulated. To put it simply: Women have been around for thousands of years; TV has been around for under 100. The human brain simply hasn’t addapted enough to bypass these evolutionarily addapted instincts.
Now, in time, most girls realize that this is all Hollywood. Women accept TV and movies as sappy entertainment, and they (eventually) begin searching for something a little more realalistic. But guys aren’t so lucky…
See, the guys aren’t getting their message from TV or the movie theaters; they’re getting it from the girls. Little girls who swoon over Orlando Bloom tell their friends about it. And, while the boys may think it’s silly - they’re also programmed to take note of what women say that they like.
Women say that they want a good listener; they say that they want a caring, sensative man; they want a guy who has an artistic side; they want a man who will read poetry to them. True: this is all true. In my opinion, if you poll 10,000 women, the majority will admit to wanting these traights. However, they forget to mention a few things…
Societal steriotypes have led most women to believe that all men are inherently macho. It’s practically common sense. “Men like breasts, cars, working out, playing in the dirt, saying ‘fuck’, eating steak and loosening pickle jars.” Women expect men to be rough around the edges, and they forget to tell you that. They forget to, because it’s expected.
But it’s not. Guys spend a much of their lives doing things that they hope will increase their chances of getting laid. After all, being a married man is the surest way to happiness - remember? Then, after doing all of these things to become attractive; after working hard on their personality and suffering for their beliefs; after years of hard work - the girl that he likes goes out with the quarterback: some numb-skull, rough-skinned, red-neck. And our Mr. Niceguy can do nothing but sit there and think ‘what the hell just happened? He’s nothing like what she said that she wanted!’.
Women like Men, and being a wuss isn’t a very manly traight. Being rough around the edges, being an unpolished stone, but having that glimmer of hope is increadibly attractive.
I’ll say it another way: Caring, sensativity, being a good listener, being artistic, being ambitious - these things are attractive because they show depth. They’re supposed to be in addition to what is expected of a man, not instead of it: They’re the icing on the cake.
See; too many guys become all about the icing, but then there’s nothing let for her to sink her teeth into. Ironically enough, living your life the way that you want to and separating yourself from the desire to please everyone (especially women) - is one of the most attractive things that you can do. Sure, women want a caring guy - what they mean is that they want you to care about her too. This means - In addition to yourself.
If you do not like who you are as a person, if you do not have your own identity to enjoy, if your entire life is about being what somebody else wants you to be - how can you possibly expect to be loved? There’s nothing there but a hallow shell.
Fill your life with the things that bring you joy, and you will attract the things that make you happy.
LONDON, England (Reuters) — Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but other people’s opinions matter too when it comes to the attraction between men and women, according to researchers.
They found women are more attracted to a man if other women like him too.
“We tend to think about things like attraction as reflecting a private decision or a personal choice but our work shows that people’s attractiveness judgments can be influenced in pronounced ways by what other people appear to think of those individuals,” said psychologist Dr. Ben Jones.
Jones, of the University of Aberdeen, and his team tested the impact of the opinions of others by giving women a test in which they had to choose the more attractive of pairs of male faces and to rate how much more handsome they found them.
They were then shown a short video in which the same faces were displayed. But each face was being looked at by a woman smiling or one showing a bored or neutral expression.
After watching the video, the researchers repeated the initial test.
“We found that the slide show caused women to become more attracted to the men who were being smiled at by other women,” said Jones.
The test had the opposite effect on men however, possibly because of the competition factor amongst males.
When men were asked to look at the same male faces, those who got the approving female glances became less appealing.
“This shows that people are using cues to the attitudes of others towards individuals to shape their own attractiveness judgments of those individuals,” Jones told Reuters.
The findings, which are reported in The Proceedings of The Royal Society B journal, are similar to mate-choice copying seen in other species and are thought to be the first time it has been shown in humans.
Positive female interest in the faces increased the women’s preference for the males but it had the opposite effect on male judgments.
Jones suggests the positive reaction conveys a sense of approval for women but the negative male reaction could reflect jealousy or competition.
“If I go to a bar with Brad Pitt, for example, chances are I’m not going to get much interest from the women because Pitt will hog all the attention,” he said.
Copyright 2007 Reuters. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
